“epiphany”

Content warning: This post contains deep thought and may shock some viewers. Alcohol consumption is advised.

Today I had an epiphany. I answered the age-old, un-answerable question, “What is the meaning of life?”.
My answer is not profound. It is not “To live, love and learn”, it is not “To question”. It is, “To live long enough to make babies”.

Consider this: onions. Onions do not have conscious thought or feeling (or so we assume, poor little onions), all they do is grow, spawn, die. And they have a wicked method of survival (this being “Blind them aaaallll!”), so, with no other reason to survive (love and happiness being outruled by the whole, no-conscious-thought deal) it can only be assumed that they are there to live long enough to provide us with more onions, as many as they can.

So how are we different from onions?
Sure, we think and feel, we have problems and we work together to solve them, we work and learn, but all-in-all this is irrelevant, because most humans end up living long enough to make (and nurture) babies, and then they kick the proverbial bucket and high-tail it to whatever ethereal realm they believe in.

I recently presented this idea to a friend, who – with a pained look on their face – said ‘Sounds a bit complicated.’

Of course! thought I, How stupid, nothing so complicated could belong in this amazingly simple world of hours. And with the thought dismissed I stepped into my explosion-powered vehicle and headed home.